confessions

I have just a couple min b/f lunch is over and wanted to put down some thoughts. Yesterday Steve Brown preached and I really enjoy his preaching. Like some of my friends I would agree that sometimes the shock factor does not need to be there to get a point across but needless to say it keeps you paying attention. Also, sometimes I feel lost in his sermons and when I go back and think about them realize there really were only 1 or 2 points and the rest were just stories.

Anyways, yesterday sermon hit home hard. He did a second part to his series on the Prodigal Son and this part was on what he would have said to the older brother (check out www.perimeter.org thurs or so to listen to it). Anyways he was talking about self-righteousness and how it is very easy to b/c so caught up in knowledge, lack of passion, lack of empthy and dislike of our enemies that we loose sight of Jesus and our reason to be here...

It really brought me some humilty and I could almost feel my face burning. I am so so bad at this. I think those who do not share my view point are just wrong and people who really don't share it I tend to avoid b/c I just don't know what to say to them. A friend the other day was saying she didn't like hymns at all. I'm glad I wasn't the one driving b/c I would have run off the road I think. I really was quite offended and angry about it b/c hymns are so very meaningful to me and while I'm glad we have a good mix of praise music and hymns at church I really wish we did more hymns. I tried to explain to her why hymns are so good and important but I know it came off as almost a know it all type of thing. This friend also quite often tells me that I offend her in that I tend to come off as I know everything, if you don't agree you are wrong and well just stuck up to be honest. I don't often know what to say to that because I know I do but it's so hard to keep my mouth shut. If I know the answer and no one is answering I feel that I should answer it. If I have a diff opinion I will share it in this group and I often use "big terms" or things she doesn't understand. I sometimes do it I would say b/c it makes me feel smart and I confess I often hide behind my knowledge of the Bible and reformed theology. But sometimes I also throw it out b/c they are terms I have been around since I was born and I forget some people don't know what the Westminster Confession of Faith is or Justification or Santification or what Predestination mean.

Anyways, the sermon really made me think about how I worship God and pray. He was talking about how our spirital lives are often so dead b/c we are so stuck in our self-righteousness and I would agree that it is true with me. I am working on my relationship with God vs knowledge of God and letting it touch my life. I am working on how I voice my knowledge/opionion and how I present myself to others, esp those newer in the faith.

It is hard...he was talking about how we often get stuck in the dislike of change and new people and I will be honest, I was piping mad last year when we sang the benidiction for a month (which I do love) to a carnival tune (which I didn't love) and that people were really upset that we did that. I grew up singing the benidiction almost every Sunday and love it. I love singing hymns and I love the traditions of the PCA and traditional worship. But I have to remember that times change and everyone has an opinion on what they like and I need to be more humble and respectful of that....and I ask forgivness for those I have been self-righteous w/