Good and not Evil

The last two weeks have been weird to say the least. Maybe I'm still in denial but I think because I wasn't expecting it and I didn't have long to believe it was true this all made it a much easier recovery emotionally. Two weeks ago actually to the day we found out we were pregnant. I knew from the start something was wrong and that week it was confirmed we were having a miscarriage. Monday they put me in the hospital (last Monday) because they are 95% sure it was ectopic and I had to receive a low dosage of chemo to help the miscarriage along (which I was already in the process of but they were afraid my tubes would rupture and basically to not have to do surgery and loose a tube I got the shot instead). All last week I was on bed rest and hopefully today I will be cleared to go back to work. That all said I'm doing well. I am really tired b/c my sleep/wake life is really off and I'm tired of physically being still bad off but outside of that it is kinda like a bad nightmare that is fading.

All that to say I was doing my lesson this morning for my discipleship group and the first verses we read are Job 2:1-10. Verse 10 is what caught my eye. Job's wife asks him why he doesn't curse God and die and Job replies, "Shall we accept good from God and not trouble" (vs 10). Somehow I feel like this has always been something that has been ingrained in my heart because even through bad stuff I still have almost always had the ability to know that God is still there and his purpose will show itself either here or in heaven. I'm not a perfect saint and at times I get really really angry with God but even then I know it's for my good or someone elses good somehow.

Really what I what to say though is how amazing is that statement and how selfish we are to always expect that we will have a carefree, painless life. People say God is unfair when bad stuff happens but (and I know this is a cliche but it is true) we don't deserve the good stuff when it does happen nor are we usually truly grateful for it....