Hard Lessons from Matthew

So as I have talked about before Table Talk is going through the book of Matthew this year. I often have a tendency to skim and not really take away the lessons but for some reason the last couple have really made me stop and think. Maybe it's because in the past year my life has felt out of control. Being off medication and then taking a full time job were both two huge changes and ones I have not felt I handled well. Most days I feel crazy and I'm not sure how to get it all under control. My lunch hour I've been spending reading a little from a book I've got from the library and then taking a nap instead of doing my devotions. Mornings I'm tired and nights I'm tired and I just have not been able to keep up with my quite times. Anyways, the last month has really shown me a need to be close to God, to long for his presence and to really seek after him. So that being said here are my thoughts on some of the passages from this month. I'll split them up so they aren't quite so long...

First of all Matthew 21:1-11 talks about Jesus' coming into the city on a donkey. Here is the last little bit of what was said:

"While the people greet Him by saying "Hosanna!" or "Save us!" (Matt. 21:8-11), most of them do not want the kingdom He offers. This acclaim will not last long...Matthew Henry comments on the laying of palm branches and clothing upon Jesus' path, saying, "Those who take Christ for their King must lay their all under his feet." This crowd, in the end, did not want Jesus to rule over them in the way He designed, hence their praises were hollow. Sometimes we act teh same way, holding onto sin or not sacrificing for the kingdom even while praising Jesus with our mouths."

This idea I have often thought about. I very often tell God I want him to take control, I want him to rule my life, I'm tired of running it and so forth and then in the next instant snatch it back saying, "well, I'm not really sure you can handle my life". This song by Caedmon's Call I think sums it up (doesn't everything go back to their songs at some point :p)

Start Again

Written by: Andrew Osenga and Randall Goodgame

Appears on: Overdressed

Lyrics:

I have a constant need for motion
I need to leave the past behind
To see all the good things I left dying come to life
So long I let the lies deceive me and I let them take their toll
I’m growing tired of the illusion I’m in control

Cause you are there in all my histories, my victories and pains
You are there in all my shadows, with forgiveness you are waiting
When I need a place to hide, when I need a place to hide,

I need hope to start again
I need hope to start again
You give me hope, I need hope to start again

Into my own hands I take matters
Cause deep in my heart I stole the throne
Where you have always led so faithfully I know
Doesn’t it seem I’m always running
Most of the time it’s not to you
Give me faith to know your promises are true

Cause you are there in all my histories, my victories and pains
You are there in all my shadows, with forgiveness you are waiting
When I need a place to hide, when I need a place to hide,

I need hope to start again
I need hope to start again
You give me hope, I need hope to start again

Here is the place where I face my secrets
Where I lay them down

When I need a place to hide, when I need a place to hide
When I need a place to hide

I need hope to start again, I need hope to start again
You give me hope, I need hope to start again

I was thinking about all in my life I have snatched out of his hand and while in the past month I have yelled at God over and over why he let me do so because I feel like almost every decision in the past 4-7 years has been poor since I have generally made them without asking God for his will. I still go back to the song Lead of Love I at this point still cannot say that I can look back and see where he is leading me. I have no doubt that will come soon but just not now.

Anyways back to the point, I found this to be a good reminder that as humans we often trust in ourselves. We get caught up in the latest fad and at that moment in time it was this prophet on a donkey. Today it might be the presidential campaign, or a social issue, the newest church movement or band that is out. We give our all to it but as soon as the newness passes or something goes wrong we shove it off for something new.

I like the above line talking about the constant need for motion. I feel like that is generally my life. Living with ADHD is often hard and often makes me feel crazy as I cannot sit still or stay on one task very easily. But one thing I've learned in it all is that I need God, I need to constantly come back to this idea that I have to every day, and several times a day at that lay down my all, give him everything and really give it to him. I need to trust his plan is good and it is one that he has designed just for me. Unlike the majority of the crowd that day, I want Jesus to rule over me. I do not like the craziness that I often feel from trying to run my own life. I know once again that I will say that, and tonight I will grab it back and forget but I am working on starting with baby steps to give one bit over to him again and again then move to the next. I want to start again and that is my prayer today.