More songs

So while we are on the topic of songs here is a song I was listening today and it made me think about yesterday's post (well both of them) the song is called San Angelo by Third Day

Forever seems so distant
Much further than today
You turn around and in an instant
You find that you were just as far from yesterday
The day it feels like winter
The night it feels like a storm
You turn around and you remember
When you’re surrounded you can still feel so alone
But it’s in between the start and end
I find myself once again questioning this place
Calling out your name
CHORUS:
San Angelo, what do you know?
And tell me, do you have something to say?
Don’t get me wrong
I miss my home
And it feels like I’m a million miles away
San Angelo
Why do I ask these questions
How come I have these doubts
Cause I found every situation
It always seems to have it’s way of working out
But it’s in between the start and end
I find myself once again questioning this place
Calling out your name
CHORUS
I’m a million miles away
I miss my home
CHORUS
Don’t get me wrong
I miss my home
And it feels like I’m a million miles away
I’m a million miles away
San Angelo
San Angelo


I was thinking about this song and thinking about who I am as a person, why I act the way I do a lot of times and why my heart always feels so unsettled. I was thinking about how I have often thought and said that I was born in the wrong time era. The only right thing I feel about it is the ability for me to get involved in technology, theater, sound and lights and such. I was thinking about the fact that though this song doesn't really say this it always makes me feel a strong call in my heart to just run. Not to run away like I do so often but to be almost a Gypsy. I need stability and a place to call home I know but I don't think I have been called to sit at a desk and do the same thing every day. I know many people feel that way but the more I think about my life purpose and calling I really do feel that I am called to things that change.

When I was unpacking our office the other night I found a personality inventory that Perimeter did on me. I found that I am someone who does good with a mix of change and structure. Caleb always tells me that I need to stay in this 8-5 job because it give me stability but I hate it. I feel like a caged animal and wish with all my heart that I could find something where I could be creative, where I could get back into music and theater, where I could do something that also has a ministry component but I just don't know what that is. I feel like though I know I have the potential to be a good counselor (well more when I'm on meds) my heart just isn't in to it. I like building relationships, having a conversation and so forth. It's why I love children's ministry so much. As I said yesterday, I am not complaining about my life but I just feel like there is so so much more and I am so very trapped and do not even know where to begin to find something else. I have no idea where to even begin to find a place who will help me figure out my talents and heart and then help me find a job that matches. Why is this so hard? I think the reason I am often so negative is because I feel so very trapped. Any suggestions?